Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
