The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize