Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
