...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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