i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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