someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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