what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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