he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
