I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
