also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
