WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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