:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
