two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize