i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.