I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
