glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What did we do last night that was yellow?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?