When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.