Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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