please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.