walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
