Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
