So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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