just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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