glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
