Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
