I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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