Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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