and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
