I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
