they need to just BURY HIM!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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