I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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