When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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