found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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