I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So apparently I’m into choking now
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