I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize