Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
