Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
