basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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