there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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