i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
