I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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