ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
