dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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