I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
