Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize