I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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