I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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