Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have demons in me.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
