3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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