exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
