Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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