If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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