He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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