after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
