ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i will never coherently bang her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
