shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
