I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
