I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
