You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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