Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
