she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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