By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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