I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
