It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I die, sorry about rent.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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