Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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