is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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