Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
