My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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