All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
