I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
