have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
