My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to calm my uterus...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
